Losing Ivan

Father, I am so thankful that You're always with me, and nothing can take you away from me. Amen.

Dear friends,

Consider for a moment: Ivan, 16, cerebral palsy, liver failure, dead. That would be the summary of Ivan's life. When you read this, or even when you see him in person, you might think there's limited use to this person's life. Or simply said, meaningless; pointless. Why would God create someone like that?

But for me, his life, and now, his death, has taught me a priceless lesson. It was nobody's fault, he died in the hospital, they couldn't save him.

I went to see his body one last time today, before they wrapped him up and send him to the morgue. I expected to see one of those peaceful, calm faces that you see at a funeral home, or in the movies, but instead, it was completely out of my expectations.

What I saw was an empty shell. Eyes staring off at unmatched angles, mouth gaping open, lips black and life sucked out of every part of his body. A container for the boy who was, but looking at it now, it wasn't worthy to carry the Ivan that I got to know so well. It looked like Ivan, but it wasn't. It was only his earthly home, he's vacated it now. He's in heaven with God.

His looks didn't really shock me, not that I expected to see him like that, nor that I've seen dead people before. When I saw him, I understood a very important thing. I understood Who Ivan Was. All the time that he was alive, I never pondered this, yet the first glance of his empty shell tells me more about Ivan than I had ever known.

I'll tell you who he was not. Ivan was not the deformed shell I saw in front of me. Ivan was not the bulgy face, the twisted limps, the crooked teeth. Ivan was none of those things that almost everyone had recognised him by. Ivan was the sparkle in the eyes, Ivan was the energy behind the upturned corners of his mouth whenever he smiled, or the energy behind the horrible wail that always followed a dirty diaper. Ivan was the shaking arms and yelps of joy whenever that diaper was changed, Ivan was the life that had filled that empty shell once upon a time.

Ivan was never the disabled child we all saw upon first glance; Ivan was the very able spirit that we never looked twice at until it was gone.

It was so easy to ignore the noisy kid in the corner that always whines about his discomforts. It's easy to sit him next to his favourite music, and stick him in the background. But how precious do his screams now seem, when we can only hear them in our dreams.

Though he was severely handicapped while he was alive, looking at the empty shell told me that he had everything that life was about. It's not whether you can move, or whether you can eat, or whether you can see that makes you human. It's not how you live that makes your life meaningful. It's the fact that you are able to live that gives meaning to your life.

We're all born the same way, God breathes life into our bodies, and then when we go, we all go the same way, the same breath of life leaves and all that's left is an earthly container; a container that has nothing to do with the life that we had except for the fact that it was used to carry it. So then if we come and go the same way, then what makes us any different from one another? I think this is a very valuable lesson that I'm learning right now. Learning that we're all the same, and learning to see the life in the person rather than the shell around them.

Well, all I can say now is. Ivan's free from his earthly shell and is happy in heaven. He lived his life as best as he could, bearing simple witness to joy, trust, love, hope and faith. I look forward to seeing his heavenly body, perfect and free, and close to the Lord. I'll forever remember the lesson I learnt today. It was a valuable one.

Dear friends, please pray for my colleagues and myself. Including the death of my colleague on the 14th, this makes two deaths in a fortnight. It'll be hard to bear, so please remember our griefing in your prayers, and pray that God will be in this House and be in each of our hearts to help us through each day, as we continue to serve here.

Thanks,

James

No longer L.O.S.T.

Welcome to my Life Lyrics, by Simple Plan

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you’re bleeding

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like to be like me

(Watch on youtube.com - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt0WP9ZBNiY&feature=related)

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Just some small thoughts.

This song I hold very close to my heart, because this song used to speak right to my heart, but now I can reflect just how much Jesus has done in my life, because I no longer feel lost and no longer need any of these things.

My Jesus has set me free. And hence, I will choose to live as I have been living for the past few months. Free and serving the God that I love.

"You have been set free from sin and have become slaves of righteousness." - Romans 6:18

I've got a Halleluyah Heart!

I've got a hallelujah heart, it won't stop singing
I've got a hallelujah heart, It won't stop singing your praise
I've got a hallelujah heart, It's beatin' to the rhythm
I've got a hallelujah heart, It's beatin' to the rhythm of praise

A hallelujah heart always wants to start every day with worship and praise
A hallelujah heart always wants to startin a glory and hallelujah way
Glory hallelujah!

I've got a hallelujah heart, It won't stop singing won't stop singing
I've got a hallelujah heart, it won't stop singing your praise
it won't stop singing won't stop, It's beatin' to the rhythm
it won't stop singing your praise

(Song sample: http://www.worshipmusic.com/lib/worshipmusic/19852-02.mp3)

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Dear friends,

Work at the orphanage has been pretty awesome. I've overcomed some nice barriers in my work, like handling poo directly, and not be grossed out by it, and also, I'm continuing to learn to love the children and to not only take care of their physical need, but their emotional needs too.

If you can remember Wing Kit, he's the one that's been nicknamed "The Grumpy Old Man" by the rest of the staff, and he's always lived with a frown and lots of complaints. But since two weeks ago, he's been spending most of his days smiling, and it's kinda very cute and contagious, and I'm so in love with seeing that smile on his face, and have been so encouraged because I know I'm one of the ones that put that on him. I guess a lot of the time, all he's reflecting is his difficulty in life (as he's quite self-concious about his disabilities) and he's reflecting what sort of tones and comments that everyone have been giving him, and often he doesn't get as much praise as everyone else, because one of his main means of communication is to pinch. A light pinch for affirmation, and a hard pinch for complaints. But he lives in a room where everyone else gets more praise than him, and I guess, he notices it and gets very upset. So I've been giving him his much needed praise, whenever I'm taking care of him, and spending so much more extra time just bonding and waiting on him to reach out and touch my hand, and giving him praise whenever he's within hearing range, and he's really made a U-turn, and I'm just glad to see his cute smiling baby face every morning!

I'm full of praise today, and much of these past few weeks, because I've settled in quite well into the work, and am making good progress in my working relationship with the other staff, and have been encouraging my friends in the New Territory area to meet up more often for dinner during the week, at least once a week, and it's becoming a very good source of support and fun, and it's really great to be having this time of fellowship to keep me going. And the group is growing, and it's really encouraging just to have a steady group of friends in the area that spend time together every week, and just enjoy some light games and a good meal. So I'm really happy about this.

I've been spending a lot of time praying and praising, and have been taking every moment of joy as a blessing from Christ, and have been giving Him praise for all the little things that happen during the day, and have been relying on Him more and more, trusting His plan for me, and also living out my witness for Him, and it's been such an amazing month that looking back, I cannot tell which day God has blessed me more and which day less, there's been so many opportunities to give thanks that I've lost track of it all. I just know that He's blessing me in all the areas of my life, and helping me to become the worshipper that He deserves to worship Him and helping me become a wonderful witness of His grace, His joy, and His love, and that is really awesome!

I've been shamelessly sharing the Gospel and sharing about God with people around me, whether Christian or not, it doesn't matter, because this amazing love feels so tangible and so contagious that I must share about it, and it's just been an encouragement to everyone, and that's just really awesome! And so, when it comes down to just sharing about my work, and my passion, and my dreams, and this amazing love that I've got, and when I'm sharing the same material with anyone and everyone, it's no longer offensive because I'm no longer preaching, and that's such a great revelation for me, because I love sharing about this love, and I've finally found a way of doing so where people can just feel this love and see how great it is, without needing to hide from "preaching"!

I can see now how Christ can walk up to anyone and get into real deep, meaningful conversations with them, because He's got this amazing love and I experience it all the time too, when you're so in love with God and so in love with His people, you can get right down to the important things and skip a lot of pleasantries. Because it's not who they are, it's who He is. It's such a good revelation!

So.. It's been an amazing month, and it's only the beginning of all these awesome blessings that God's been raining down on me lately, and so I'm really excited about what happens next! Thanks for your time again, my friends, please keep me in your prayers, and pray for health, and joy, and patience, and love to fulfill all things that bring Him glory! Amen!

A meditating start to October

Dear friends,

I've been blessed with a flu-cold medley for the past three days, and had been given sick leave to spend resting in my room here at the orphanage. I say blessed because this leave gave me plenty of time to rest, read and meditate. During the first day of my sickness, though painfully slowly, I managed to tidy and clean my room and put it back into a healthy living environment. I also cleaned air by opening windows and turning on the fan, instead of the air conditioning, and picking a few tricks off google, I found that candles burn away all the smells in the room too, so I quickly went and bought some. I kept my windows open through the night as well, the trade-off was a few mosquito bites, but having a well ventilated room was more important. I slept most of that day.

The second day of sick leave, my sore throat worsened, but having slept most of the day before, I spent most of this day reading and drinking water. I drank 10 litres of water by the end of the day, and the sore throat didn't improved a single bit, but the flu I felt in the morning had been flushed from my system, which was good. So as a final attempt to flush the sore throat out, at 2am, I decided to rinse my throat thoroughly with a glass of salt water every two hours until it's gone. Miraculously after 4 rinses, and some appropriate cough drops, the pain in my throat started to cease.

And today, I'm still drinking, and rinsing, and the situation is improving steadily. Which is good. Now along with cleaning my room, and cleansing my system, I decided to fast, which made meditation a really good idea. I've learnt from previous experience that fasting really clears your mind and allow you to think of much more than just food, and in this case, when my throat is so sore, food was the last thing to come to my mind.

These last few days, and for the past several weeks, I've been praying and thinking about my future. And through several opportunities to witness in the past month, God seems to be trying to tell me something. My thoughts keep drifting back to the words of a visitor earlier this year, So Kam Mui, Sue. She told me that God had specifically told her to scold me for serving here, and that I didn't belong in a place like this. Her emphasis on this made me plainly mad when I myself have received confirmation from God, telling me that He wants me here this year. And yet, despite this difference of opinion, I sometimes wonder, if I would remember her words at all, if she hadn't been so forceful about it. Some of what she said had started to resonate in my mind these past few days, despite my still knowing that this commitment is God-given, I think her communication was also God-given.

She had said that her, with disabilities, and learning handicap, had been sent from God to serve here during her time, and that was meant to be, but me, put into this world, at this time, with this intellect, had no place in a lonely orphanage on the side of the road, doing work that had no use for someone like me at my age. It's work suited for much older people, that required less intellect. That everyone else had a reason to be here, but me.

Reflecting upon this now, I think she's quite right. Even so, I've committed to serve here for a year, and this commitment is still quite sound for me. I'm learning a lot about commitment, service, humility, patience, and love just by serving here, and through my reading, I'm learning a lot about Christ and about witnessing. So I feel that this is where I'm meant to be for this year. But my plans for next year remain uncertain. So I'll keep praying about that. Perhaps the Lord will reveal all these things to me in due time. In the meantime, I'm just thankful for all that He's taught me so far, and thankful for being led to become a better witness for His kingdom and His glory.

So dear friends, do continue to pray for my health, my witness, my service, my discipleship and my future. Thank you.

In Christ,

James

Two good news and one concern

Dear friends,

I have two bits of news that I've been very excited about today and I have to share it with you! Firstly, one of my friends at the orphanage has come to accept Christ, and it excites me because I can be a part of this new part of her life! And I am thrilled! It took about one day for the news to sink in, but ever since the moment it sunk in, I've been excited about it! Praise Jesus! Praise God! It's also a really good bit of confirmation and acknowledgement from God, telling me that this is part of His purpose for me here at HOLF, and I'm just so thankful that He's chosen me to share in this experience with my friend. Thanks, Jesus!!

Now my second bit of good news came in a revelation this morning, when I forgot that it was Sunday because it's been so long since I've been to church, as I don't often have day offs on Sundays anymore. But then we do have a service here in Chinese and we do have Chinese praise songs, and a Chinese sermon every Sunday, and all sorts of different people turn up to take part of it every week. Now the sermon for today was really good, and I realised that I didn't need to be at "home" with a church to learn from the sermon, I just needed to listen with a willing heart. So the pastor got my attention, and I listened. The second part of the revelation came a little later when I thought about this, and how church here isn't bad at all. In fact, it's quite nice. I realised that it was such an advantage to be able to understand spoken Cantonese as well as spoken English, and here when the education level of the volunteers and workers are much lower than that of anywhere else I've worked/resided, it's much more apparent, and even though I can't read a lot of characters, I can still communicate with this language, and I've learnt not to take my "limited" Chinese for granted, because I'm much better off than most here. That and also my knowledge in Christ. There are Christians here that have been believers all their lives, but haven't had a chance to know Christ much deeper theologically than they had the first day they accepted Him, all their experience with Christ had been personal. But they've turned out to be very strong spiritually in their own way and very good people. Praise God for that. But also praise God that I am able to know more and understand more and communicate more, and this is furthermore leading me to think that God's given me these so that I can tell the masses about Him and His love for them. And I will, because that's what I've been given to work with, so I'll use the tools that He's given me to bring Him more glory!

So with this new insight, it's more like two and a half good news, rather than just two. And so wrapping up, there is one concern on my mind right. It's become apparent that I can't do anymore tutoring because my offs aren't always on the weekends, so I won't be able to give my students enough lessons, and won't be able to keep a consistent schedule. Good thing is that my mom is willing to take them, and lucky for them, because my mom is a really awesome teacher, but my concern is that my finances will take a heavy hit, because up until this month, my budget has been reached via both monthly giving from my friends, and from my tutoring, and the ratio's at half and half. So now, I'm down by quite a bit. So please pray about that. Thanks. I'm sure it's just a small issue, since God wants me here, He'll find a way to give me what I need to keep at this for a year.

Thanks for your time again. Hope to share more soon.

Yours in Christ,

James

The last few weeks

My dear friends,

The last few weeks had been a slow move from exciting summer time to not so exciting routine work time, as the volunteers fade away, and the more animated kids start schooling, work has become more routine and the pace of work has become much slower. There had been a lot of "moving" this month, moving from holiday mode to work mode, moving from our flat at home because of renovations, and moving to a new equilibrium on the social, personal and spiritual fronts.

Now that things are settling in at home and at "Home" and all the other young and single volunteers are gone, I've found more time to read books, and to do walks around the neighborhood as I've become more rested with good discipline on my personal health. I've decided to take a break from Philip Yancey and re-read Angels & Demons by Dan Brown. It's a nice brain thriller, and it's good for relaxing. During my neighborhood walks last week, I found some nice flowers, a nice neighborhood, a nifty but well-furnished corner store, an village temple, and a banana farm. The banana farm had a very vicious guard dog that gave me a bit of a scare, but I figured if my intentions are true, and if my God is protecting me, I won't get hurt. And I didn't. But it'll be a while before I venture around that area again. There are lots of dogs in the inner villages up the road, and a lot of interesting faces. It'll be nice to walk around more, and get to know the people.

A realization I had on the spiritual front today was that I can't keep telling myself that I'm here to serve God, because that doesn't get me anywhere. In fact, it mostly blocks the most important thing out of my spiritual life, the fact that I've been seeking to serve Him so much, often I forget that everything starts with simply seeking Him. Service is by no means more important than relationship, and what God wants most from us is to develop this personal relationship that He has given us through redemption in Jesus Christ, that's the whole point of His death on the cross! Seeking to serve Him isn't the point at all, seeking to know Him is the way of life, the way that I'm supposed to think and live. A collection of things awoke me to this fact. One of them was a story I heard in discipleship yesterday.

Jesus walked with a man along a path, and the man constantly asks questions, but Jesus stayed silent and didn't answer any of them. At the end of the walk, all of the man's questions were answered, not because Jesus told him, but because Jesus was with him and that experience was sufficient.

Sometimes we get so focused on questioning our way through spirituality, when we try to find meaning in all the little things that do or do not happen, when all we really need to do is wait till the whole experience passes, and just experience it and learn from it. We're constantly so impatient on God's lessons, it's a blessing that His patience is enough for all our "impatiences".

Another awakening I received this week is the fact that I've been practising favouritism, mostly because I am totally in love with Tung Tung, and would actually want to adopt her if God says it's His will that I do. But right now, I don't think that's how it's going to work, and she does have a lovely home here already, and God does have a plan for her. But this love is making me rethink the relationship I share with the other children, do I love them the same? Should I love them the same? I thought about what Tung Tung would say to me when we find each other in heaven, will she tell me she loves me and thanks for loving her so much? Would she dance for joy? Would she sing me a song of all the words that were in her heart but couldn't come out? Then I realised, whatever Tung Tung had to say, it won't be the most touching experience in heaven from the children here, it won't even be close. The most touching ones would be the ones where the children here would come to me and forgive me for all my trespasses when I've been impatient with them. All the times that I've been careless, and all the times that I simply forgot to care, forgot to love. It would be them that would make me fall to my knees for the longest, when they say they still love me and thank me for what little that I've done for them. After thinking of this, I think God defrost my heart once more, and allowed me to see the children with love again, and gave me a deeper concern for their emotional well-being.

And with these two awakenings, my prayer life seem to be finally back on track with praying not just for energy and health to care for the children, but for the children themselves, not just for the happenings of the day or the week, but for every little thing. For good rest at night, for sweet dreams, for waking up to joy and love, for healing, for forgiveness, for chances to love them more, and for more joyful times together. And also to thank God for them.

It's good that God's given me these realizations to strengthen me, as I don't have a lot of Sundays off, and it's good that He's got my back when I need more spiritual input. Though the good news is that the local missionary has started hosting a service here every Sunday, and it's quite good, but I haven't been able to participate in the worship, partly because the songs are in Chinese, and partly because I focus a lot on the children. This past Sunday, I've been trying to let go and trust God with them, and got to listen to a very good sermon about Peter.

So that's about it for this update. Thanks again for your time. My prayer requests are: i) thanksgiving for a smooth move for my family into their temporary flat, and thanksgiving for being able to spend some good quality time with my mom last week, ii) more prayers for consistent rest and balanced diet, iii) prayers for a steady spiritual journey towards God and seeking to know Him through loving as well as seeking Him through books, iv) more patience and more chances to love the children, v) continual prayers about Africa and for God to tell me how to approach serving Him there, and vi) pray for my preparations for my baptism, as I intend to get baptised during Christmas.

Thanks a bunch!! God bless!

Yours in Christ,

James

A little song

I love you, my precious Tung Tung, more than anything,
I love you, my precious Tung Tung, more than anyone.
I love you, my precious Tung Tung, more and more I do,
but my Jesus, my Jesus, He loves you more than I do.

(inspired by Aunty Val's song for Ivan: Jesus loves Ivan, Jesus loves Ivan, Jesus loves Ivan, I love Ivan too.)

Thanksgiving and prayers.

Dear friends,

Thank you for your prayer support so far. I am very grateful that when I'm too tired to pray long prayers at the end of some days, that someone has me covered. I have some news and some more prayer requests for this update, but I'll keep this short because it's been a busy fortnight and I haven't had time to formulate my thoughts yet.

The good news is: Pui Yee has decided to let me stay on for another 10 months, so together with my first two months here, I'll have a year's work at HOLF.

The prayer requests are as follows:

1. Wing Kit had some cramps and spasms today, so please pray that it's only from fatigue, and that it's nothing serious. He's been very aggitated and unhappy because of it, I hope it passes by soon, and he can be his healthy self again. Pui Yee also received a few injuries this week from falling, please pray for her healing.

2. My family is moving, and I only have this Sunday left to pack, so pray that I can pack on time, so that my family doesn't have to finish up for me. And pray that the move will go smoothly and nothing will be damaged or will go missing. Also pray for the renovations on the house, and give the workmen clarity in mind and energy and focus, so that they can fix our house up to last another few decades.

3. Pray for my health as I continue my work at HOLF, and also pray for my future, as I continue to seek God's will about it. Also pray for my financial situation, I'm still short by quite a bit, so pray that God will provide and that I will recognise it when He does.

4. Also give thanks that things are going smoothly at HOLF, and all the kids are quite healthy, and Tung Tung is very joyful, blessed and loved, as with all the other kids too. And also, there's been some opportunities to witness to non-believers, and that has been going great. With much thanks to The Jesus I Never Knew, and Holy Conversation.

That's it for now, dear friends. Thank you again for your time, love and prayers.

God bless,

James

Nobody.

When Jesus came into this world, He didn't come as a He, but only as an it. A tiny embryo that was destined to become a baby born in a manger in the middle of nowhere.

If there is ever a humble God, our God would be it. When His incarnation came to this world, he came alone. He grew up in Nazareth, which is a tiny village in the outskirts of Israel, where the lowly and very under-privileged lived. It was a ghetto, as his countrymen would put it, "Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?" He grew up with people with no power, no wealth, no rights, no existence.. himself being one of them.

God knew the meaning of humility when He sent Jesus to this world.. to live in it, and to save by it. Humility in Jesus is the best witness of God's Grace. Jesus came from the humblest background, he was a nobody. The only reason why he's famous is because he fulfilled God's plan for him. He was the lamb for the slaughter, and it was the slaughter that had been famous and the lamb because of it. Noone remembers Jesus' face, there aren't any portraits, he was just the lamb. Though he is God's son, he was just the lamb. A truly humble life doesn't shout "me" in its wake, it whispers "God", and that whisper creates just enough ripples for God to work with. Notice that there wasn't a remarkable 100% conversion after Christ's death, just ripples.
So.. what does it mean to be Christ's ripple? What does it mean to become a faintest shadow of a nobody? This troubled my mind this week as I realised that despite being one of the 8 billion people in this world, I still think I can become great in His plan for me. I still try to take credit for things, and I still hope to be recognised in the streets. I find it utmost frustrating when I still expect people to compliment me on my work, and be interested in it. Am I even ready to do this work? Am I ready to become a nobody? Am I ready to not be remembered, not be seen, not be stopped and talked to in the mall? Am I ready to not take any glory for myself? Am I ready to not ever receive compliments for "me" ever again?

I love my God, and so I know my answer to all those questions is a firm "yes". Because I don't want God's blessings to stop at just compliments from people, I don't want my life to shout "me" ever again, I want it to whisper "Jesus", over and over again. I want to be a ripple, I want to be a nobody. In the end, what matters most to me isn't whether someone will remember my face because of what I said about God, but to remember how God impacted their lives through some guy whose name wasn't important.

It gives me great peace to come to that conclusion, because I know that it's okay not to be remembered, it just means that I'm doing my job right as a ripple of Jesus.

From love to more love.

Dear Friends,

I have very joyful news to share with you today. I've finally come to know and love every single child in the boys' special unit, so I decided that you should get to know them too! It's been a pretty long journey up to here, and I am proud to say that I've finally made it, but I wouldn't be here unless if God had opened my heart and soul to receive what I would normally not be able to receive... the returned love from these special kids.

These kids are so different from us, and from one another. They each live in their own world, and are receptive to different stimuli. They have their own way of receiving love and their own way of returning it. So it takes a lot of grace and patience just to learn to love them. I am so thankful that I've finally made a breakthrough with this one last kid that I was finding really hard to love. And for this, I am glad.

It reminds me of a quote from the animated Grinch movie:

"And what happened then...? Well...in Who-ville they say

That the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day!

And then the true meaning of Christmas came through,

And the Grinch found the strength of ten Grinches… plus two."

I can really feel that through these last two months of working here, God has shown me step by step how to love from scratch, and has yanked, pushed and pulled, and twisted and stretched my heart to its new size, though not three sizes up, but at least two. I don't think I can ever go back to teaching privileged children again, not even children that have fully functional arms and legs and bodies. I can't see a happy child on the street dancing in his cute kitty raincoat without sighing and thinking how oblivious this child is to the joy of being able to move, let alone dance in the rain! But in view of what God is calling me to do in the future, it all makes sense for my heart and passion to be directed towards loving and serving less privileged children.

So here's a bit about the boys, listed in the order in which I learnt to love them.

Che Kin - age 40+, likes to give high fives, yank unexpected people's hair, pull his clothes over his nose and slap it, take off his clothes, slam doors, and flap his arms like a chicken.

He's the easiest to take care of. He eats and drinks by himself, takes off his clothes, brushes his teeth, and even walks by himself. He never complains and loves to give high fives, but is almost blind and needs a guiding hand in everything. He's really cute and cooperative, so it's easy to like him.

Wing Kit - age 40+, nicknamed The Grumpy Old Man, likes to eat, and pinch people. Dislikes drinking, people touching him, and everything else possible.

He's the only one that ever says anything, even though most of it is in his own language, but at least they sound like words, and sometimes they have meaning. He speaks the most when he's upset, and he has an assortment of inappropriate vocabulary that someone in the past must have taught him to use when he's totally pissed off, which happens when we feed him water and clean his private parts. He's very protective about that, unlike Che Kin who loves being naked and can't see why not. (literally!) He pinches people when he likes them, and pinches people harder when he doesn't. He can see very well and he loves food, and understands what's going on in the room, especially if there's food around. If you eat near him, and not give him any, he will move his chair towards you and give you a very angry and jealous stare. He also bites himself when he's anxious. I guess he's easy to love once you get to know his likes and dislikes, and how to work with him without hurting either yourself or him, and he's quite cute, as he speaks and has signature moves. (which can clearly apply to all of them.)

Tak Tak - age 21, likes food, chewing holes into his clothes, twirling strings around his fingers till they turn purple, rhythmic music, mild tickling and pretty girls. Dislikes water, and people who forces him to drink water.

He is hyperactive and he drools all day long. His diaper is really hard to change if you can't keep him from bouncing all over his "cage". But he's really easy to feed and has this funny goofy smile. Once you get over the fact that you'll get soaked if you be with him (sitting on his bed will wet your pants), then he's pretty fun to be with. He bounces whenever he gets hyped, and that's all the time, and he makes funny sounds with his saliva and grinds his teeth. He makes chewing sounds whenever he eats. He's also really cute, and stares at this one pretty nurse whenever she's in the room, and it's funny to watch. He also doesn't like drinking, but depending on how often you feed him, and what mood he's in, he can choose to swallow very quickly on his own according.

Emmanuel - age 11, likes music, sounds, funny noises, swimming, bathing and playing the piano. Dislikes food and drinks.

He's really small, and everyone who takes care of him treats him like a very spoiled little prince. And he's very spoiled indeed. He's really hard to feed, and I can't feed him more than 3 bites before he cries and completely clamps shut his lips and teeth. He also laughs when he knows he's won the fight. He loves swimming, he loves bathing, and he dances to music and plays with his own bells and maracas. He can't see very well, but he can see blurs. He requires physiotherapy exercises which we have to do for him, and taking care of him is very tiring. But if you're not the one stuck with feeding him, it's usually quite joyful to be with him.

Fu Fu age 50+, likes some foods and drinks, gentle music, and simple compliments. Dislikes being fed against his will, drinking water, drinking sour prune juice.

He has spasms all the time, and can't eat solid food, so everything that goes down his throat has to be in thickened liquid form, and he can choke and spit, and splatter it all over you while you're feeding him, and ruin some pretty good shirts. He takes a long time to feed, and will make a very big mess if you try to slip food into him before he's ready to swallow. Feeding him too quickly will ruin his mood and make him spit out everything. He poos in bed every other day, and isn't very interactive. It took a whole week of feeding him for me to learn how to feed him and how to communicate with him, and also learn of his softer side, the side that can be joyful if given enough time and patience. And the fact that he doesn't always spits it out or spill it, he only does it involuntarily or when you've upsetted him. He can be quite easy to feed if you wait on him to open his mouth and stick out his tongue.

Ivan - age 16, likes sitting next to the TV, lots of attention, and massages. Dislikes loud music, noise, uncomfortable sitting/lying postures, and being left alone.

He can't move most of his body, and lies in a wheelchair all day long next to the TV. He cries whenever his choice of music isn't playing, and whenever he's wet or uncomfortable. He doesn't do much else. He can't eat, so he drinks through a tube attached to his belly. His body is deformed, and he has extra rows of teeth, and very bad breath. He's heavy, he can't move, he can't interact, and it's really hard to put clothes on him, and so easy to leave alone and walk away. He makes us all listen to his choice of music. He's been really hard to love because I don't know how to make him comfortable, and I don't like his choice of music. Nor did I have the patience to massage him and talk to him. Not until last week, I did not have the patience to love him.

So how did I learn to love him? By spending lots and lots of time with him. Instead of spending time with my beloved Tung Tung, after discovering that Tung Tung loves Disney and Ivan doesn't, I decided to take Ivan out for walks in the garden, and spend hours in the bedroom with Ivan helping him to become comfortable, talking to him and massaging his body, so that Tung Tung can watch TV. And for the first 5 days, it's Tung Tung's distant cries of joy and jubilee that's been keeping me going, but for the last few days, I haven't been intentional about keeping Ivan out of the way, rather I enjoyed spending some nice quiet time with Ivan whenever possible, so if ever, he feels uncomfortable in the living room, I would take him on garden walks, and spend time adjusting the cushions on his bed to make him comfortable, so that I can keep talking to him and massaging his sore limbs. Somewhere along the way, I realised that Ivan was simply a lonely kid who needs just as much love as anyone else, and is stuck in a very uncomfortable position that makes his body sore all the time. So I decided, I would be the one to love this kid more so that he can know love the way that everyone else does. He's now my favourite boy, not because he's obedient or fun to be with, simply because he needs me.

So to end, I share with you the words of my favourite colleague back in DBSPD -

"I love every single one of them, but [Ivan] I love even more."

And it makes me wonder.. how close is this love to the Lord's love for us? He doesn't love us because we have something to offer, He loves us because we'd be so lost in purpose and meaning if we don't have Him. He loves us because He loves us. That's all there is to it.

Dear friends, thank you once again for sharing your time with me through this journey of mine. Please continue to pray for my service here and for being allowed to continue for a year after my probation is over, and also pray for health, and clarity in mind as I plan what to do next, and as I deal with everything that I have to deal with at HOLF, at home, and everywhere else. Also pray for the hearts that I'll be sharing my life with, and pray for radical awakenings, because my work isn't just with the orphans, my work is to bear witness to the great love of our Lord Jesus Christ, who came to earth and died on the cross for us, so that we can share a personal connection with our God.

Peace.

James

News indeed!

Dear friends,

I am so grateful to God and so blessed by Him just to be here and serving Him and beginning my life's journey doing His work. It's so awesome and words alone cannot say how I feel, but everytime there's chance, I would be singing and shouting praise to the Lord our God. Halleluyah! Generally, it's good to know where I'm heading, and good to know that God knows the way there.

This past week, I have two highlights that I would like to share with you. And the first is this, my parents have given me their blessing for my work. I didn't expect this, because first, I am the oldest son in a Chinese family, and second, they've given me so much, it's become hard to see how they'd let their son go into fulltime missions work, and possibly go to Africa and be really out of reach. And with their blessing, I feel complete and I feel that there is no way that anyone can keep me out of Africa, and I'll definitely do my work there, soon as the Lord sends me. I am so encouraged by this, and I just really want to thank God for showing my parents how to let go, and for taking care of them, so that I can be free to serve Him all my life.

I love my family very much and I've been stuck between wanting to serve and wanting to provide for my family for a long time, and I think it's the only thing that's anchored me here and kept me from leaving. But this time hadn't been wasted, because God had used it to show my parents that I'll be stuck at this point if I can't make up my mind about this, and I know I can't, so they made it for me. My parents let go, gave me their blessing, and told me to make that choice, between putting family first, or putting God first. I guess they realised after all these years that unless if I'm doing my true calling, I won't be happy, and that my calling is to serve God in the front lines.

This is really encouraging, and it brings my mind back to the story of the Jailer who believed in Christ and then through his faith, his whole family is saved. (Acts 16:16-35) I've always wondered at what that means, because obviously salvation is a personal choice, and you have to choose to accept Jesus, to be saved. But I guess, what I'm getting from my experience in this situation is, God is definitely and willingly going to take care of my family, whilst I'm choosing Him and choosing to serve Him with all of my life, because then, I would not have the time or resources to do what I need to be doing as a son. And what I didn't bank on was that God isn't just going to stop at physically keeping my folks healthy and living, but He's really going to show them more how to also be spiritually well, even though I won't be there to show them myself. This is really amazing! Praise God!

The second thing that I wanted to share about is a grave mistake that I've made over the last 6 weeks of serving here at HOLF. There are other volunteers who are here for a much shorter time than I intend to, and a lot of them are youth and university students, so naturally I took to them and had chosen to spend more time being in the same place and doing the same chores as they are, and forgot that my responsibilities, if I wanted to serve fulltime, included a lot more than what is demanded from the short-term volunteers. Pui Yee, the head nurse, reminded me, and I felt very ashamed of my actions, and became very gloomy for a couple of days, especially because she mentioned that if I'm not suitable, then I won't be able to serve for a year, and that came as a very shocking reminder. Now the pressure from the reminder was immense and very overwhelming because Pui Yee was going to leave on a missions trip 11 days from the serious talk that we had, and I wasn't sure I could change her mind in that few days, but I realised that there was time left and I wasn't going to give up on God. I needed to shape up and to be working hard, remembering hard how to run things, and become as able as any of the fulltimers to run the entire operation, because unless if I know full and well how everything goes, I will not fulfill their requirement.

And that's what I did. I am a bit slow still, but I haven't made any mistakes or needed any reminders from the other fulltime health workers, and I'm working my butt off and God is really giving me enough energy to last it out, and I feel that I'm doing quite well. Praise God! Pui Yee's now on the trip, and will be back in 10 days, now there's still a chance that I will be made to leave on August 12 with all the other college volunteers, but I'm no longer worried about Pui Yee not being here, and that I can't show her that I'm capable of serving, because I know God is in control, and what I do unseen by others is seen by God, and if God has a mind to keep me here or to send me to Africa, noone can take me away. And between Pui Yee's reminder, and my parents' encouragement and advice, I'm really choosing God each and every day. That is so great!

And that's my update for the past weeks. Thanks for your prayer support, it's what I need most. Keep praying for my work, and my health, and also for the kids' health and for their joy and their own unique spiritual experience and journeys. I don't know how receptive they are, but maybe they have a better way of talking with God and we're just missing out.

I now have $1,700 (US$213) of sponsorship for each month, together with my tutoring ($1,800/month), it's enough to cover my expenses, but after the summer, I won't be able to tutor as much, and that may change the way things are. So also please keep praying for my financial support, and for God to really help me out here. I'm sure He will, but it's really good to pray and ask about it, we are His children after all.

God bless you, my friends.

James

Contact information and sponsorship.

In the case where you'd like to sponsor me, and have already given it deep thought. Here are a few methods that you can send me your money.

1. Call me or talk to me in person if you are in Hong Kong, and I can give you my bank account number, and you can transfer directly.
2. If you are not in Hong Kong, I have a Paypal account and you can donate to me through there.
3. You may also choose to give it to me directly, though I would always encourage you to give it some thought and prayer first, because I like things to be intentional rather than spontaneous.

My Paypal account email is jameswithorphans@gmail.com.

If you are sending money on Paypal, it would be good if you can let me know in advance how much you'd like to give, either through email (jameswithorphans@gmail.com) or through Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/jameswithorphans). It would also be good if you can send your gifts quarterly if you'd like to support me on a regular basis, that way we can cut down on the transaction cost on Paypal.

Thanks for raising this question, and thanks for following my work.

On a side note, prayer support is also very much needed, so be sure to pray for my health and the health of all the residents and workers at the orphanage. Thanks!

The past few weeks..

My dear friends,

Life has been so filled with joy and praises, God has been blessing me in so many ways. I love everything about being here at the Home of Loving Faithfulness, from changing dirty diapers to taking the kids out on their walks. I don’t always find the work exciting, and there are some boring parts, but all in all, I end each of my days feeling very joyful and very tired, and my health has also been improving a great deal. Though I’m still somewhat careless, and end up getting hurt. Last week I hurt my back, and this week I had my toe stitched up. But both injuries are healing well, so praise the Lord!

I’ve been sharing a very close fellowship with some of the other volunteers here, as well as keeping a good relationship with all of my other colleagues. This has been a real blessing, as I had been worried about having difficult colleagues. Please pray for me and my association with both the Christians and the non-believers amongst us, as I would like to grow deeper in my bonds with both of these.

As far as volunteers go, there are a lot of volunteers that come once a few times a week for several hours, as well as ones that come and live in for a few days at a time. Almost 3 weeks ago, four American students, 3 girls and 1 boy, came to work with us and they’re staying for 6 weeks, and two of them are in my unit, the boy (Lap Ching) and a girl called Anna. And through my association with Lap Ching, actually, I’ve been spending more off my “off” time in fellowship and talking to different people that lived in the rooms next to us, and it’s been wonderful, because we’re starting to expand our nightly fellowship from just us two at the chapel, to include a nurse from the Ark called Joanna. It’s been a lot of fun, and we’ve been doing a lot of sharing and it’s been a real blessing.

There was a lady that volunteered a while ago, and she only stayed for two weeks, but during her two weeks, she’s done such amazing work, just serving however possible, either helping the kitchen staff with the dishes or cleaning, or helping Pui Yee with the garden, and throughout that entire time, she’s also been witnessing to one of our unbelieving colleagues, and she also spent a lot of time with Lap Ching and I. She’s very humble and very blessed, and she’s taught me a few things and has been a great source of encouragement and a reminder for each day, even though she’s back to her family almost a fortnight ago. We’re still keeping in touch, and through her sharing with her fellowship, one of her friends has been enlightened and has offered to sponsor me for my work, and I feel greatly blessed. Between the two of them, they’ve committed to giving $1,200 a month for a year, and that brings my deficit to $3,800. I’m still in need of funds, but I know God will take care of this for me. My rule for offerings is that if God leaves you no doubts about giving to me, then I’ll accept it. For non-believers, I’ll accept your gifts without asking you to pray, because I know God’s association with you is very different from what He has with ones who listen for Him.

Recently, I’ve been responsible for leading a small group on Sundays, we’re going through a book called Holy Conversation, and this week’s chapter is about Talking about Jesus. Since I’ve cut my toe, I’ve been sent home to rest, and I’ve been spending this valuable time meditating and getting my homework done for the week. I realised despite knowing all the stories in the Gospels, and knowing about Christ’s miracles, I cannot retell His story from another angle, or in more depth. I’m just limited to what I know from the Gospels, and the Bible isn’t exactly a highlighted studying guide, and I’m stuck! So I realised that one of my first and foremost goals for this year has just revealed itself to me. I need to know Jesus. I need to know who I claim to be my Savior, who I accept as my heavenly Father, and who I call Lord. I need to know who I am serving. It’s such a big shock that I’ve been serving Him for so long and I haven’t even scratched the surface of who He really is. Blind faith indeed! So I’m going to work really hard, and study and really get to know Christ. That’s my first goal.

My second goal is to, of course, prepare my way to Africa. That’s where I’m called to serve, so I need to know how to get in, how to survive, and how best to train for it. So that means kinds of ministries, living expenses, travel and medical insurance, cost of training, etc. My first step towards this is to get back in touch with my friend, Cheuk Chung from OM that I bumped into on Doulos, and from there, who knows.

So those are my goals. And now for some prayer requests. My dad might be transferred to Australia for a year, so please pray for my family, for our health and for our love for each other. Pray that I’ll be able to really get some housework done on my day off, and really show my brother and my mother that I do care for them, despite needing to be away most of the week to seek my purpose. My parents don’t believe in Christ, so please pray for that. And also, please pray for my brother’s studies, he’s going into year 11 (grade 10, or form 5) next year, and there’ll be a lot of coursework to do and a lot of important exams that he has to work with. Just pray for clarity of mind, and steadfastness and patience in his studies. And that he’ll know when to rest, and how much to work, and that he’ll have a goal to work towards, rather than just letters on a grading sheet.

My dear friends, also pray for my work, my clarity of mind, as I do have a bit of attention deficit and that becomes apparent sometimes, but God will account for that for whatever plans that He has for me, and He will give me a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). Please pray for my steadfast love for our King, and my health and my love for the kids.

In Christ’s Name I serve,

James.

June 7th to June 20th

These last two weeks had been amazing, I don't know where to start! But let's start with lighter stuff and build up from there. Last week, God had given me the chance to meet some of the volunteers at the St. Stephen's Society, which is a organization set up by the Christian missionary, Jackie Pullinger back in the fifties. It's purpose is to reach out to drug addicts and invite them to become part of God's family. The government gave them a beautiful plot of land on a hill in Shatin to establish their rehab. One of the friends of the head nurse (Pui Yee) at the orphanage had sold their flat, and wanted to give away the things in it, so Pui Yee remembered that the St. Stephen's Society needed more clothes, and drove them over to see what they can find there. We found clothes, baskets, mattresses, and tools, and they were really glad to receive all these donations. After we got back to their rehab, Craig gave me a tour, and that was pretty amazing. God has blessed their ministry so much, and I can see why, they have saved and provided homes and families for 50-60 addicts, and all this was done without a stable financial backing, just by relying on big and small donations over the years from people who learn about the ministry.

This week, we visited MV Doulos, which is the missions cruise ship that goes around the world selling books of a kinda for low prices, or in some countries, giving books away for free. This ship is owned by Operation Mobilization, and its goal is to go to different countries around the world and support them with food, water, and knowledge, and also through that, a testimony of the Christian faith. Pui Yee was part of a team that was going to go on a short term missions trip with OM, but it was cancelled because of some recent bombing in the area, so she was invited to go on a tour of the MV Doulos and she invited everyone else to go. It was quite amazing. Firstly, when we got there, Pui Yee, knowing my goal is set on serving orphans in Africa, introduced me to Mr. Lau, which turns out to be someone I have worked with before when I was serving at OM (summer 2002)! And then, she also found out that Mrs. Lau was part of her church back in London. It's so great to be blessed with re-aquaintances like these. And the tour was really fun too. They have 350 volunteers on the ship, ranging from doctors to dentists to firemen to engineers to laundry ladies and deckhands, and they have to pay to serve on the MV Doulos because of the heavy costs that the ship and the mission bears. It's pretty amazing still, it would be awesome to be part of that. But then again, it's not my calling, so I can only rejoice for those who are, I have somewhere else that I have to go to serve, but we're all serving the same God, and that's what counts!

Now to the meat of the week's happenings! Last week, I met a little girl called Tung Tung, and she has extra chemicals in her head that causes her to feel itchy on ever part of her skin all day long, and she would scratch without stopping even if it hurts and it bleeds, so what they do is that they wrap her up like a mummy and strap her to a chair, and put bandages on her arms to straighten them. She's also under-developed, so despite being 8, she's still really small and really cute. She has a deformed face, and her eyelids are too big that she's long learnt to lift her eyelid with her finger by poking her thumb into her eye, and that sometimes causes bleeding. And since she doesn't see so much, she's really attracted to the TV, so whenever we let her walk around, she would stand right up to the TV and touch it, and gurgle with joy. I hate seeing that happen, because it's not right, it's a big attraction even for normal children, but most parents would restrain them from getting up too close. Well, the first time I met her, I fell in love with her. I knew there was something I could do to help her, she just had so much extra energy stored up, being a child, and being in that chair makes her want to scratch. So I decided that I would take her for walks and play with her daily, so that she'll be distracted, and she'll be healthy and she'll strengthen her legs, and hopefully grow enough in other areas that the scratching will go away. That's my hope anyway. She's really smart and she realised that I was spending lots of time with her, so she recognises me and really enjoy being with me. It's such a joy! I would take her for walks everywhere away from the TV, and the heat outside, and we'd go upstairs to the dorms, or next door to the family unit call the Ark, which is for the more capable disabled children, who live in a family fashion to prepare them for adoption. It's my hope that one day, she'll be moved there. That would be good. But in the meantime, I'll adopt her in my heart, and love her like a daughter. I quickly found it heart breaking to restrain her from the TV and from scratching, but it's needed, and once she's free from her chair, and we're exploring the different places in the orphanage, it's become another world for us. And what's really good about all this is that she used to be restless at night because of the itching, but since I started spending so much time walking and being with her, she's become so exhausted that she falls asleep shortly after being put to bed. Thank God!

There's another girl called Wing Sze, and her testimony can be found on the HOLF website. She's 25, and she can't move below the neck and she coughs and suffers a lot from that, and she can't speak, but she learnt English just by listening to it, and is really smart. In short, there's nothing wrong with her brain. But the only way you can talk to her is to ask her yes/no questions, and she'll stick out her tongue to say yes. It's really hard, I tried talking to her but I can never formulate a series of questions to ask in order to converse with her. That gets me frustrated at times, and that's what happened yesterday. I tried to read to her, but she didn't like the book, and I didn't know for a while until she turned away her face and frowned. It must have been because it was a grade school fiction book, maybe she thought I was insulting her, but I really did like that book. Oh sigh, I didn't know what I could say to explain it. But a miracle happened! To me it was a miracle, because I couldn't tell her the things that I wanted her to know or to talk to her like I would to a normal person. I was taking care of Tung Tung, and we went into Wing Sze's family unit, and when Wing Sze watched me take care of Tung Tung with so much love and caution, she watched very intently and after a while, she joined in with her laughter. I'm glad she understood, and she could see how much I love Tung Tung, despite Tung Tung being different. Since both Tung Tung and Wing Sze enjoyed it, I think we'll go back there more often. Tung Tung likes exploring and the Ark is pretty cozy compared to the Big Unit that she lives in, which is more practical.

So I had a really wonderful week. And thanks for your prayers again. Please pray for my health, as I caught a cold last week, and all the coming in and out of air conditioned rooms and into the hot outdoors is causing the problem.

Oh, I also have a new roommate, he's called Lap Ching. He came to serve this summer instead of just visiting Hong Kong between school years. He's 18 and he has a great heart. There are also 3 American girls that will be joining us next week, once they've been quarantined for a week. They'll be such a joy to have, the kids will get a lot of quality time. Pray that I do spend more time with other kids once they're here, because I'm sure they'll give Tung Tung a lot of love too.

Also, a prayer of thanksgiving. One of the short-term volunteers here, after hearing about my calling, decided to help me fundraise amongst her friends and her church, that would be interesting. So pray for that. And pray that God will provide for me financially, so that I can support myself in this work without burdening my parents, which is the last thing I'd want to do.

Dear friends, thanks again for reading in. God bless, and have a great week!

Good news!

Dear friends, I have some good news today. Firstly, I have completed 50 hours of service at the orphanage. The administration had a meeting this week, and they decided to invite me to continue serving with them for a year. That is really good news for me, because I've been in constant prayer concerning whether this is really suited for me, and about alternatives, but despite how different and difficult this work is compared to anything that I've done before, I've been able to cope. Praise the Lord!

And on the side of that, they now have a room to accomodate me! It has 2 beds, a desk with window view, half a porch, and a sink and closet. It looks really comfortable to be resting in, and it's at the orphanage, so I won't have to commute to work at 4am!! That's the best thing really. And for the first month, starting next Thursday, they're going to allow me 2 day offs per week to wrap up things at my church. But what's really amazing is that after the first month, they will still allow me Sundays off so that I can go to my own church and fellowship. I think that's a really good blessing, and it will help re-energize for each week to continue to spend time with my friends at the church, and with the youth.

It'll also allow me to share my journey with more people than just on this blog, which I am intending to do. So.. today's my day off, and I'm going to some cleaning around the house, and some cooking, and also some swimming later. It's going to be a great day! =)

I'm going to start asking people around me to support my work, now that it is confirmed that this is what I'm going to be doing. I need both prayer support, and financial support. Please do keep reading, and praying. If you would like to support me financially, please pray about it first, and let God decide whether you should support me, and also the amount that you should commit to.

Heart opened and broken.

This last Sunday, we sang Hosanna at worship. The chorus talks about how we can't quite understand God's love, and asks if God can break our hearts with what breaks His. That became my prayer this morning, as I've only started to love these kids, but I still couldn't feel their pain.

God answered my prayers today, and I cried so much this morning. I was having breakfast, just wondering how it would be like to live like them. One of the girls, called San San, can't move much, she is wheeled around on a bed and can only turn her head left and right, and for as long as anyone can remember, she's been in that position everyday. At first, it was pretty funny trying to imagine what everyone else would look like when you're lying down at table height all the time, but then, God diverted my thoughts to what heaven would be like for them.

I realised that in heaven, they'd be made more whole than anyone else on earth. It's easy to say that we have our disabilities too, just that theirs were easier to see, but we get to live our life and to move with so much freedom, even if they didn't know another life, they still know theirs is really limited. One of the boys can't move at all, and sometimes he gets very emotional, and it's heart breaking just hearing him cry. So that's what I felt, when I realised what salvation would mean to them. How once more they'll be made complete by God's grace, and how the loudest, most joyous praises would come from them.

I'm really thankful that God has shown me this. It feels so good and so right to finally feel the pain behind the cries, rather than just hear the noise in front of the pains. I've learnt to really cherish the sound of their laughter. They don't always laugh because theirs is a hard life to live, but when it iss you that has found a way to make them laugh, not only is it the sweetest and most joyous sound that one's ever heard, but also, you realise how much joy you can bring them just by trying. I walked in the garden when Siu Ping today, she doesn't usually make any sounds. She liked singing, so I sang, hoping that she likes it as much as I do. But it wasn't until I got to Jesus Loves Me, did she start making laughing sounds. I'll remember that sound and that moment forever. I didn't know she could make sounds, and for me, that first laugh was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

Dear friends, please continue to pray for me, as I continue to work here. Pray that God will provide me with enough rest and energy for each day's work, and pray that I can love them more and more, and that this love will change lives.

The dawn of a new beginning.

The interview went very nice. The head nurse interviewed me, whilst giving me a tour around the facilities. She asked about my plans, as well as cruising over my strengths and weaknesses while we were walking. I was very truthful and didn't disguise my weaknesses, because I think it would be much better that way, and also, if I'm meant to be here, nothing's going to keep me away. She explained that the work at this orphanage would be very different from work that would be required of me in an orphanage in Africa, but I felt that this was where I should start, because first, I'll be working hard, and training my patience as well as picking up some nursing skills. She's a really kind and passionate woman, and she saw that I was passionate about learning how to care for children, so she actually decided to help me a bit by arranging for me to shadow one of the resident nurses for the first few days, and told me that if I make it through the first 100 hours of working there, then we can go back to deciding whether I am meant to do this work. So then.. technically, I got accepted into the orphanage as a volunteer.

Now there was a piece of bad news, since they have a shortage of rooms, I would have to stay at home, and commute to work each morning, arriving at or before 7am.

This is going to be a real challenge, because that would mean waking up at 4.30am and walking to the nearest KCR station to catch the first train from Hunghom to Sheung Shui. It'll take me 1 hour to arrive, but if I miss any of the transports in between, I'll be delayed for up to 20 mins. Then I'll work from 7am to 5pm each day, stopping only for an hour for breakfast and lunch, and an hour's break after lunch. Not to mention the need for attention to details and patience with working with disabilities that I may not be comfortable with.

This would normally be enough to break me, but it's been a few days now, and I know for sure that God's been holding my hand and keeping me on my feet this whole time, because I have not been completely overwhelmed yet, and I feel refreshed in the midst of my tireness, and I feel that I am starting to look past their disabilities and am learning to love these kids, and I am starting to feel that I can survive more than just 100 hours. God's been giving me so much support through all the other volunteers there, and the head nurse actually decided to let me skip the garden phase, where most other volunteers have to spend their first few weeks doing garden work to get used to the kids, she decided that it would be best for me to start by tailing one of the nurses and looking after the kids, as she must have prayed over me and have recognised my passion for serving children.

I do feel overwhelmed by the difficulty of working with these kids, but God is really lifting me up right now, and there is no fear for me to keep doing what I'm doing, because He is going to carry me through. I may feel squirmish at times, but it hasn't stopped me from carrying on with what needs to be done, and He's really given me strength for each task for each day. I have never had to rely on Him so much just to survive each day, and now I am just so grateful that He's there to renew me with energy, love and patience for each child for each day.

So.. dear friends, I've been working quite intensely for Thursday, Friday and Saturday of this week, I'll be going back for more tomorrow straight after church, and I'll have a break on Monday. Please pray for sleep to be restful and quick when I lay down to rest, and pray for perseverance and resistance to illness during the day, and for my adaptation to the work and the children.

The lull before the storm.

It seems this past week I've been doing nothing but waiting. The rest of forever seems to begin after the interview on Tuesday. I sure hope I'll make a good impression, because there is so much resting on it. After that, the only things that are left to do are:

1. Fundraising for the coming year. I hope to raise $5,000 for each month, I still have to continue praying over this budget to see if this is what God intends for me. Naturally if it is then I'll get my funds, but I'll still need to put in some hard work in sharing about my cause.
2. Decide when to start. I have to really pray over when God would like me to start. Starting as soon as possible would be good, because I'll have something to do, but I really would like to catch up with some old friends, and share with new ones about what I'm planning to do in the coming year.
3. Packing and spending time with my family. I do want to pack and clean as much as I can before I go. And even though I'll still be in Hong Kong, I'll be living on my own on the other side of Hong Kong when I get there. I'll have to pray over what to pack as well, as I am determined not to bring my computer, but I do want to take a camera and keep my friends and family up to date.

On the side of these things, I am still working towards regaining my restfulness and losing my fatigue before I go, as I'll really need to work hard at the orphanage to secure a paid position for next year.

But all these are still an if, depending on how Tuesday turns out. I am a little anxious, but I know God will be with me and I will do fine so long as I trust Him to take care of me. There are alternatives, but being stubborn, I won't consider them until I am sure this leads to a dead-end, because I am really certain that this opportunity is meant for me. So I'm going to make the best of it.

What's really surprising me is that a few people, both online and in real life, have mentioned that they can sponsor me. I don't know the amounts yet, but it is already very edifying to receive their support. I've signed up for Paypal and am going to open a new bank account for this. Paypal turns out to be a lot harder to use than I thought. I actually have to do some scripting to get their buttons and pages to work, which is something that I can do with my time now. Hopefully, it'll turn out alright.

On a lighter note, it's finally Sunday. I'll really savour this Sunday, as it will be one of my last ones that I can spend with my friends and family at KIBC. There's a meeting tomorrow, I hope there'll be time left after the meeting for me to catch up with the youth. And I hope we're not having pizza, but since I didn't raise the issue, we'll probably have pizza again. I wonder if we can change it to Meatlovers instead of just Pepperoni.

Thanks again for taking interest, pray for good news and a good week! =)

God bless.

Application sent!

Dear Friends,

I've just sent in my application to the Home of Loving Faithfulness. It's an orphanage in Sheung Shui for disabled children, and I'm applying to become a residential trainee there. They've invited me for an interview next Tuesday. I sure hope it doesn't rain, it rained cats and dogs yesterday.

I'm going to go down to Fortress to see if I can find a decent, but inexpensive camera, so I can add photos to this blog. Though if anyone has a second-hand camera that they don't need, you can always give it to me. =)

Stay tune!

James

First post!

Hi friends,

First, thank you for taking interest in my work and in me. I've created this blog to record my life working with orphans on a regular basis. I believe that this is my calling, and I am about to start my journey as I've just applied to become part of an orphanage in my hometown.

Stay tune for more.

God bless,

James