A meditating start to October

Dear friends,

I've been blessed with a flu-cold medley for the past three days, and had been given sick leave to spend resting in my room here at the orphanage. I say blessed because this leave gave me plenty of time to rest, read and meditate. During the first day of my sickness, though painfully slowly, I managed to tidy and clean my room and put it back into a healthy living environment. I also cleaned air by opening windows and turning on the fan, instead of the air conditioning, and picking a few tricks off google, I found that candles burn away all the smells in the room too, so I quickly went and bought some. I kept my windows open through the night as well, the trade-off was a few mosquito bites, but having a well ventilated room was more important. I slept most of that day.

The second day of sick leave, my sore throat worsened, but having slept most of the day before, I spent most of this day reading and drinking water. I drank 10 litres of water by the end of the day, and the sore throat didn't improved a single bit, but the flu I felt in the morning had been flushed from my system, which was good. So as a final attempt to flush the sore throat out, at 2am, I decided to rinse my throat thoroughly with a glass of salt water every two hours until it's gone. Miraculously after 4 rinses, and some appropriate cough drops, the pain in my throat started to cease.

And today, I'm still drinking, and rinsing, and the situation is improving steadily. Which is good. Now along with cleaning my room, and cleansing my system, I decided to fast, which made meditation a really good idea. I've learnt from previous experience that fasting really clears your mind and allow you to think of much more than just food, and in this case, when my throat is so sore, food was the last thing to come to my mind.

These last few days, and for the past several weeks, I've been praying and thinking about my future. And through several opportunities to witness in the past month, God seems to be trying to tell me something. My thoughts keep drifting back to the words of a visitor earlier this year, So Kam Mui, Sue. She told me that God had specifically told her to scold me for serving here, and that I didn't belong in a place like this. Her emphasis on this made me plainly mad when I myself have received confirmation from God, telling me that He wants me here this year. And yet, despite this difference of opinion, I sometimes wonder, if I would remember her words at all, if she hadn't been so forceful about it. Some of what she said had started to resonate in my mind these past few days, despite my still knowing that this commitment is God-given, I think her communication was also God-given.

She had said that her, with disabilities, and learning handicap, had been sent from God to serve here during her time, and that was meant to be, but me, put into this world, at this time, with this intellect, had no place in a lonely orphanage on the side of the road, doing work that had no use for someone like me at my age. It's work suited for much older people, that required less intellect. That everyone else had a reason to be here, but me.

Reflecting upon this now, I think she's quite right. Even so, I've committed to serve here for a year, and this commitment is still quite sound for me. I'm learning a lot about commitment, service, humility, patience, and love just by serving here, and through my reading, I'm learning a lot about Christ and about witnessing. So I feel that this is where I'm meant to be for this year. But my plans for next year remain uncertain. So I'll keep praying about that. Perhaps the Lord will reveal all these things to me in due time. In the meantime, I'm just thankful for all that He's taught me so far, and thankful for being led to become a better witness for His kingdom and His glory.

So dear friends, do continue to pray for my health, my witness, my service, my discipleship and my future. Thank you.

In Christ,

James

Two good news and one concern

Dear friends,

I have two bits of news that I've been very excited about today and I have to share it with you! Firstly, one of my friends at the orphanage has come to accept Christ, and it excites me because I can be a part of this new part of her life! And I am thrilled! It took about one day for the news to sink in, but ever since the moment it sunk in, I've been excited about it! Praise Jesus! Praise God! It's also a really good bit of confirmation and acknowledgement from God, telling me that this is part of His purpose for me here at HOLF, and I'm just so thankful that He's chosen me to share in this experience with my friend. Thanks, Jesus!!

Now my second bit of good news came in a revelation this morning, when I forgot that it was Sunday because it's been so long since I've been to church, as I don't often have day offs on Sundays anymore. But then we do have a service here in Chinese and we do have Chinese praise songs, and a Chinese sermon every Sunday, and all sorts of different people turn up to take part of it every week. Now the sermon for today was really good, and I realised that I didn't need to be at "home" with a church to learn from the sermon, I just needed to listen with a willing heart. So the pastor got my attention, and I listened. The second part of the revelation came a little later when I thought about this, and how church here isn't bad at all. In fact, it's quite nice. I realised that it was such an advantage to be able to understand spoken Cantonese as well as spoken English, and here when the education level of the volunteers and workers are much lower than that of anywhere else I've worked/resided, it's much more apparent, and even though I can't read a lot of characters, I can still communicate with this language, and I've learnt not to take my "limited" Chinese for granted, because I'm much better off than most here. That and also my knowledge in Christ. There are Christians here that have been believers all their lives, but haven't had a chance to know Christ much deeper theologically than they had the first day they accepted Him, all their experience with Christ had been personal. But they've turned out to be very strong spiritually in their own way and very good people. Praise God for that. But also praise God that I am able to know more and understand more and communicate more, and this is furthermore leading me to think that God's given me these so that I can tell the masses about Him and His love for them. And I will, because that's what I've been given to work with, so I'll use the tools that He's given me to bring Him more glory!

So with this new insight, it's more like two and a half good news, rather than just two. And so wrapping up, there is one concern on my mind right. It's become apparent that I can't do anymore tutoring because my offs aren't always on the weekends, so I won't be able to give my students enough lessons, and won't be able to keep a consistent schedule. Good thing is that my mom is willing to take them, and lucky for them, because my mom is a really awesome teacher, but my concern is that my finances will take a heavy hit, because up until this month, my budget has been reached via both monthly giving from my friends, and from my tutoring, and the ratio's at half and half. So now, I'm down by quite a bit. So please pray about that. Thanks. I'm sure it's just a small issue, since God wants me here, He'll find a way to give me what I need to keep at this for a year.

Thanks for your time again. Hope to share more soon.

Yours in Christ,

James

The last few weeks

My dear friends,

The last few weeks had been a slow move from exciting summer time to not so exciting routine work time, as the volunteers fade away, and the more animated kids start schooling, work has become more routine and the pace of work has become much slower. There had been a lot of "moving" this month, moving from holiday mode to work mode, moving from our flat at home because of renovations, and moving to a new equilibrium on the social, personal and spiritual fronts.

Now that things are settling in at home and at "Home" and all the other young and single volunteers are gone, I've found more time to read books, and to do walks around the neighborhood as I've become more rested with good discipline on my personal health. I've decided to take a break from Philip Yancey and re-read Angels & Demons by Dan Brown. It's a nice brain thriller, and it's good for relaxing. During my neighborhood walks last week, I found some nice flowers, a nice neighborhood, a nifty but well-furnished corner store, an village temple, and a banana farm. The banana farm had a very vicious guard dog that gave me a bit of a scare, but I figured if my intentions are true, and if my God is protecting me, I won't get hurt. And I didn't. But it'll be a while before I venture around that area again. There are lots of dogs in the inner villages up the road, and a lot of interesting faces. It'll be nice to walk around more, and get to know the people.

A realization I had on the spiritual front today was that I can't keep telling myself that I'm here to serve God, because that doesn't get me anywhere. In fact, it mostly blocks the most important thing out of my spiritual life, the fact that I've been seeking to serve Him so much, often I forget that everything starts with simply seeking Him. Service is by no means more important than relationship, and what God wants most from us is to develop this personal relationship that He has given us through redemption in Jesus Christ, that's the whole point of His death on the cross! Seeking to serve Him isn't the point at all, seeking to know Him is the way of life, the way that I'm supposed to think and live. A collection of things awoke me to this fact. One of them was a story I heard in discipleship yesterday.

Jesus walked with a man along a path, and the man constantly asks questions, but Jesus stayed silent and didn't answer any of them. At the end of the walk, all of the man's questions were answered, not because Jesus told him, but because Jesus was with him and that experience was sufficient.

Sometimes we get so focused on questioning our way through spirituality, when we try to find meaning in all the little things that do or do not happen, when all we really need to do is wait till the whole experience passes, and just experience it and learn from it. We're constantly so impatient on God's lessons, it's a blessing that His patience is enough for all our "impatiences".

Another awakening I received this week is the fact that I've been practising favouritism, mostly because I am totally in love with Tung Tung, and would actually want to adopt her if God says it's His will that I do. But right now, I don't think that's how it's going to work, and she does have a lovely home here already, and God does have a plan for her. But this love is making me rethink the relationship I share with the other children, do I love them the same? Should I love them the same? I thought about what Tung Tung would say to me when we find each other in heaven, will she tell me she loves me and thanks for loving her so much? Would she dance for joy? Would she sing me a song of all the words that were in her heart but couldn't come out? Then I realised, whatever Tung Tung had to say, it won't be the most touching experience in heaven from the children here, it won't even be close. The most touching ones would be the ones where the children here would come to me and forgive me for all my trespasses when I've been impatient with them. All the times that I've been careless, and all the times that I simply forgot to care, forgot to love. It would be them that would make me fall to my knees for the longest, when they say they still love me and thank me for what little that I've done for them. After thinking of this, I think God defrost my heart once more, and allowed me to see the children with love again, and gave me a deeper concern for their emotional well-being.

And with these two awakenings, my prayer life seem to be finally back on track with praying not just for energy and health to care for the children, but for the children themselves, not just for the happenings of the day or the week, but for every little thing. For good rest at night, for sweet dreams, for waking up to joy and love, for healing, for forgiveness, for chances to love them more, and for more joyful times together. And also to thank God for them.

It's good that God's given me these realizations to strengthen me, as I don't have a lot of Sundays off, and it's good that He's got my back when I need more spiritual input. Though the good news is that the local missionary has started hosting a service here every Sunday, and it's quite good, but I haven't been able to participate in the worship, partly because the songs are in Chinese, and partly because I focus a lot on the children. This past Sunday, I've been trying to let go and trust God with them, and got to listen to a very good sermon about Peter.

So that's about it for this update. Thanks again for your time. My prayer requests are: i) thanksgiving for a smooth move for my family into their temporary flat, and thanksgiving for being able to spend some good quality time with my mom last week, ii) more prayers for consistent rest and balanced diet, iii) prayers for a steady spiritual journey towards God and seeking to know Him through loving as well as seeking Him through books, iv) more patience and more chances to love the children, v) continual prayers about Africa and for God to tell me how to approach serving Him there, and vi) pray for my preparations for my baptism, as I intend to get baptised during Christmas.

Thanks a bunch!! God bless!

Yours in Christ,

James

A little song

I love you, my precious Tung Tung, more than anything,
I love you, my precious Tung Tung, more than anyone.
I love you, my precious Tung Tung, more and more I do,
but my Jesus, my Jesus, He loves you more than I do.

(inspired by Aunty Val's song for Ivan: Jesus loves Ivan, Jesus loves Ivan, Jesus loves Ivan, I love Ivan too.)