Calling and Direction (part 2)

It was only a couple months ago, when Bob and Kimberly Johnson came to visit. The brother and sister-in-law of Bill Johnson of Bethel Church. They came to speak at the Young Adults fellowship that I belong to, and shared what God had put onto their hearts. Kimberly shared about the importance of finding God in your valleys, because it will carry you through the dark times ahead. That later inspired a vision where I had demanded for God to show me where He was when I was in my valley that week:

He not only showed me where He was, but where I was. Overlooking the valley, looking at all there is to be, sitting comfortably on His shoulders. That's Daddy for you.

They had also prayed over us and explained visions that they received for when they were "taken up to heaven to spend time with Daddy", and it was very similar to what I had experienced before, except I didn't realise that that was what it was, spending time in heaven. So that was encouraging, and needless to say, I did actually start seeing angels the week after, and here's one of the ones that joined me in worship:

But most importantly, it was Bob's sharing that revealed part of my calling to me, and answered some of the biggest questions that I've had for the better half of the year. Namely, i) why was God showering me with spiritual gifts, and ii) can I really make a difference in the world, especially with respect to human trafficking? Was that what I was supposed to be pursuing?

Bob did not come to speak to the masses. He came to speak to a selected few in a selected generation. I had heard before that the Kingdom is indeed near, and ours is a generation of harvesters, and what he came to Hong Kong to share was a confirmation to that. He started off asking if there were people in the room that seem to be showered with spiritual gifts. A ridiculous amount of it; dreams, visions, tongues, healing, all that heavenly stuff. Then he explained that it is indeed a taste of heaven, and it is meant to be there to give us encouragement, because God has a special purpose for us. We are His chosen ones, His favourite. The ones that He loves and favours so much that He's going to give us an important task. And that is to go to "hell", the darkest parts of the earth, and to minister there. He's showing us the reality of heaven and its wonders so that we can take it with us to those dark corners. This was some pretty encouraging and pretty heavy stuff. 

God's favourite, he explained, are people who respond to His love. God loves and He favours. He loves everyone the same, but He favours some more than others. And it's all to do with how we respond to that love. He gave an example of his own children. He has two from a previous marriage and two from his current marriage, and while he loves all four the same, the two from before reject his love, and thus are not able to enjoy and receive from it, and the other two choose to receive his love, and thus are able to enjoy and be blessed through that. And so, while we can all be God's children, there are some that are favoured, and those were the ones he (Bob) came to anoint for God's use.

Such a blessed couple, I am so glad to receive this, because it brought heads and tails to what I was experiencing, what I was alarmed about, and what I wasn't sure about my calling. So after this point, I kept on seeking God about what my calling is in more details, and in the weeks to come, through Justice Conference, and Cleansing Stream, and all the visions that led up to that point gave me more details and confidence into what God is really calling me to do. I'll write more about that in part 3. 

Exciting times, my friends. Exciting times. 

Season of healing

I have been attending Cleansing Stream the last 2 months, it's an inner healing ministry started by Pastor Chris Hayward. His calling is to have healthy inner healing churches in every church in the world, and twice a year for the last 10, there's been an inner healing course at my church. As a result, this season God called me to join, and I was healed of all my self-rejection. Complete restoration. Here's my testimony that I wrote to Hub and Spokes, the ministry hosting the event.

---

Hi Eufemia and team =)

My name is James. I am born with Klinefelter's Syndrome, a form of higher function Autism, and have struggled with it since I was young. Physically, I have less muscle mass than normal guys, emotionally I am different due to hormonal deficit, and socially, I trip all the time because I can't sense a lot of situations. However, since I don't carry the signature Autism look, people often expect me to be normal and when things get out of hand, as they always do, I end up having to explain all over again how I am, in fact, not normal. I struggle with this on a personal level too, often times than not, I curse myself and strap myself down to be not normal and don't expect great things out of me, despite knowing God's love, knowing that I'm God's favourite, and knowing that God has great plans for me. Subconsciously and consciously, I "knew" I will never be enough. There are great people, and I'm not that. I will always be 70% normal. And words to that effect.

I came to CSM knowing that God wants me here for this season, and that God wants to help me deal with this self-rejection. I didn't know how He will do it, nor did I expect Him to completely get rid of it. For someone who relies so much on God just to be alive and just to be able to do things, I was riddled with unbelief. Anointed with so much spiritual gifting, and yet not believing in His Words for me. I regularly receive discernment, words of knowledge, visions and dreams. I mistook these as God's compensation for my disability, but now I know it's nothing like that. 

The first night of the retreat, God gave me a vision. Very artistic, very awesome. First time ever dreaming in Japanese calligraphy art. I focused on giving the issue of self-rejection, of cursing my own growth and ability, to God. And He gave me a vision of 3 images. A tsunami, a glacier, and the Sun. The tsunami stands for all the blessings that He's going to give me. The glacier is a glacier because my God is an artist and glaciers are beautiful, but what's more is that, He said He will lift me up above others, and finally, He will draw me close to Him, the Sun represents His heart. As people continued to pray, I pull out my colour pencils obediently, as God had given me something that could be drawn. I didn't know how, but I have long known that God will guide my hand. I put pencil to paper, and soon after, I had the exact image I received in my head. It was powerful, and it rebuked and rejected everything that was in my curse, instead of being 70%, He will lift me higher than others, instead of cursed, He will flood me with blessings, and instead of not reaching spiritual heights, He will draw me closest to Him. It was encouraging, but I have seen visions before, and it still felt like nothing much will happen during retreat. The first night wasn't very eventful, and I was going to be tired the next day. I did not expect breakthrough.

The next day went quietly, I slept and dosed off as I had expected, and tried my best to retain what I listened to, and was not completely sure about it all, but felt a prompting to go up and share, and to encourage those that had served to help us throughout the retreat at the end. I had a picture after all. Somehow, it didn't turn out that way. Half way through sharing, God reminded me. He always keeps His promises. So I repeated what He said. He made me these promises, and He always keep His promises. And thus, the wonderful testimony and reminder that people seem to have given me glory for, but I was too excited to care about that, because my own breakthrough and revelation had only happened 2 seconds before everyone else's. 

Thank you so much, Hub & Spokes! Eufemia spoke about raising a generation of harvesters, and God had been speaking to me about harvesting this entire year, coaching, prepping, healing, encouraging, growing. This is the highlight so far, but I expect God to be carrying me up a glacier, and we are only one tenth of the way. Keep in touch, I will definitely be expecting really really awesome things in the future. I am available to make a video of my testimony or any other form that you'd like. Feel free to use this in any way. I will be interested in becoming an intercessor or anointer in the future. Please let me know how to apply for those.

Blessings,

James

PS. Here's the sketch. =)

Calling and Direction (Part 1)

It's funny seeing how God's plan for me line up in my life even before I became a Christian. His thoughts for me started even before Creation. It's a concept that's so hard to grasp, it's something that you'd repeat to yourself when you're down in a valley and try to believe, but when I look back now, I really do believe that He's got it all lined up for me. Beginning to end, past to present, and present to future. I would never have imagined to be given this calling at any point of my life.

Let's start at the beginning. I am born with a genetic disorder, Klinefelter Syndrome. I have a weaker body, a weaker mind, and some autistic symptoms. It's the struggle of my life. I can't read social cues, I can't lift and look buff, and I can't focus for more than 10 minutes! All my life, I've been trying to explain for myself, explain why I can't do this, or why I can't do that. I tried explaining for God too, how this would be my life's struggle and God would never give me anything else, that I would have the faith of an ox and never struggle with anything else in the world. How far wrong was I =P To top it off, my medicine throws me into a hormonal cyclone, where my physical body can't keep up and keeps on getting sick, and my emotions make a screaming banshee feel like a hummingbird, and my self-worth and self-acceptance comes down to accepting these as my permanent situation. That I would never be better. That I am made this way.

I got lucky in high school, I went to an international school where the curriculum was more balanced than the local one, so my grades in comparison were better, though I really didn't know how to study. My parents had put all their hopes and dreams into my education that they would punish me for not being excellent, for not focusing, for not doing my best in school. Was I really naughty? I did not know. But I ended up with average grades when compared to my peers in that school, but they were good enough to get me into any university here. Even when I failed at university, these old grades still gave me a chance at others.

I am gifted in language. I grew up speaking English, international school, international church. It's the one language I am literate in. But on paper, I received a D initially, and in comparison with first language English users, there are lots that I don't know. Nevertheless, it was the one thing I was good at in Hong Kong. The one thing that they acknowledged far beyond common sense: the natural international accent. They can't tell where I'm from, but they can tell, I've spoken this language in context. So after failing my attempts to get a Mathematics and Physics degree, and an Accounting degree, I've finally settled with English in second language teaching, primary school stream.

I had drifted away from God at that point, so the plan was simple: study for 4 years, and make up for the salary gap between what my peers were making and what I should have been making if I had progressed similarly. And it should be easy, being a native speaker of English and all. Funny thing, it was anything but easy, I'm in my third year now, and I am struggling with the workload, but somehow I made it past the last two years, I'm going to keep trying because if I fall now, I don't know how I'll get up again. But now, I also have God's assurance that I should be able to do all these things if I keep my life balanced. It would have been impossible if He hadn't done some healing over my condition and if I hadn't made the choice to be mediocre by rejecting modern medicine and turning to God to take care of the rest.

What God helped me change were my self-image, my perspective on my situation, and He took away quite a lot of the hurt that I had wrapped myself in to justify the things that I was going through. He had unravelled me in such a strong, yet gentle manner. I still have Klinefelter, I still struggle with all these, save for the medical complications, but I am now very open to God's transforming power. It'll still call for a lot of work, but I believe through humility, God will help me overcome all of these things. And now that I know my calling, I know He's going to do even more with me.

Justice Conference Asia 2015

Just been to a pretty big event over here. My church, The Vine Church Hong Kong, hosted this year's Justice Conference Asia, which happens to be my first JCA as well, and for 2 and a half days, speaker after speaker came and shared about three things: i) what is Justice in God's heart, ii) their work in different parts of Asia (and Australia), and about what we can do to help the cause, and there's been so much inspiration and information (overflow) that I probably can't piece together a good reflection until much later. However, it has already started causing changes in my views, my faith, as well as my calling, and I can't help getting excited about it.

In a nutshell, Justice is treating people the way that God intended them to be treated. And that basically means loving them as the beautiful individuals that God made them to be, and honouring them, and giving them a place in the world. It's not hard, because you don't have to go all the way across the world and love an abandoned child or a victim of sorts in order to do this, you just need to start at where you are and love any unloved, unwelcomed person you meet.  It's still super hard to do, but so long as you're willing, you can ask God to change your heart.

I've also been receiving a lot of direction from God about what He might be calling me to do in the near and distant future, and I'll be writing about that soon.