Now with rejection being dealt with through Cleansing Stream, there has been several obvious byproducts or unexpected outcomes, and I'm just really excited about these times. Though I still suffer from insomnia, and it's just to the pressure that I get from my immediate situation, but God's love and God's joy forever prevails and so, I'm not suffering more than I should, if that makes any sense at all.
I only have a few assessments left before my semester is over, but the stress of wanting a bit of a summer before my summer job starts next week is what's giving me pressure at the moment. Mostly. Nevertheless, I know that life will become infinitely better as soon as I can drop these assignments, and just have a normal summer with undivided attention to 1 job, 1 family, 1 church and no part-time this or part-time that. It's always so frustrating when you're in a busy city that encourages you to be more busy than you really should be. A balance that is hard to maintain, but somehow I get by.
One of the immediate outcomes of going through inner healing this time is that I can now deal with rejection with much more ease than I used to. I can be shouted down by people around me, and still not be too hurt by it. It's only been a week from the last session of Cleansing Stream, and I've already faced off with a few situations: i) a friend misunderstanding me and wanting to cut off all contact as a result, and ii) someone in my fellowship texting me a nightmare of criticism, and both of these occurrences have one thing in common: the person listening to the lies of the enemy. It's got rejection written all over it, and it's horrible, because even though I now know how to deal with rejection, this stuff is still hurting the other person that's involved. It's like the enemy saying "You think you've won, huh? Well, think again!"
I'd have you know that both of these incidents have been quickly resolved, as quickly as I could manage, since it involves God directly in arranging for me to be able to speak with people who no longer want to speak with me, or no longer want to be nice. And it also involves bringing myself to a receiving state while knowing that I'll be receive a lot of hurt. But I now understand that these are indeed the works of the enemy, my friends being tormented and relationships being hurt, and people being tortured both by lies and by the horrible things that they are made to do after listening to those lies. It's not pretty, but if you're willing to take the damage, then give it God, and then take the people, and love the "hell" out of them, then there's really no fear, and there's simply just one way to deal with it, and that is through loving and knowing that it is not the person that is trying to hurt you, it's simply that when people are hurt, they tend to hurt others too. In short, "Hurt people hurt people." So once you restore the situation back to a healthy form, then the hurts stop, and the love continues.
I'm still learning, but I'm glad that everything's worked out so far. Once you realise that it's no about being right or wrong, and just about making peace and loving people, then you pretty much also realise that this is exactly what God wants for us to do, and that is to go out and find these hurt people, then to love the "hell" out of them. Cuz once your love becomes Christlike, or unconditional, "hell" or the enemy gets all iffy and flees the scene. In complete and total defeat.
Keep trying. Keep loving. Keep yourself in God's presence.
