God has a way of lining up my past, and my mistakes and regrets with His calling for me in the future. He's just redeeming every part of my life as we go along, and it's the beauty of having a loving and omniscient God.
One of the biggest mistakes that I feel that I've done in my past is something that led me to fall away from God altogether, and that was the time that I went on my own power to serve at a Christian home for the differently abled, namely the reason I had started this blog in the first place. Funny how things come around, and how He works. I can just laugh over all the salvage that He has done in my life. All those times where I went on a limb and did something I would regret for as long as I live. So in my memory of hurt, I had come on my own terms, served on my own strength, dabbled in work politics and work romance which led to my demise and early dismissal. Then it led to cohabitation and my leaving my faith altogether. If there was ever a place to use the words "crash and burn", this was it.
Well, I've come to healing over this whole episode this week, as I was led back to visit under unexpected circumstances. And now that I have prayed for healing, cutting ties, and had grown over these last few years, I can see what a blessing this place is to me. It modelled everything I know and believe in in terms of working in ministry, and everything I would want for what I am called to do in the future. It is my belief that God is calling me to set up a shelter/school somewhere and serve in providing for, loving, protecting and teaching children in bad places. And in view of this task, I had always wondered where I would go to learn all the logistics of doing so, since my training is mostly in teaching.
And so the solution is simple. I would come back to this home for a second chance, and I would serve and learn there whenever I can over the next few years. But this time, on God's strength, at God's time, in God's way. This will be a blessing, I just know it!
--
Praise the LORD, all you nations; extol him, all you peoples. For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever. Praise the LORD. - Psalm 117
Saturday, 27 February 2016
Dreams, Dialogue & stewardship
Being secure in identity can sometimes lead you in the wrong direction. I wouldn't say wrong, but not right at the time. Lately, it led me to think that "maybe its time to meet someone". So I started meeting people from other churches with the intent of finding someone "special". Long story short, God sent some very clear messages about that, and redirected me once more to the gift of singleness. Which, I gladly take, just needed that extra confirmation that "it's not time yet, so focus". The message came in two prophetic exercises that I was doing in a course called The Art of Hearing God and in a very vivid dream. The two impressions I received through separate people were a stop sign and a red light.
The dream was so vivid that I woke up crying my eyes out this morning, and it was about buying a dog for charity. One of my closest friends tried everything her power to make me buy this dog, because she's crazy about dogs, and this was for a good cause. And, no matter how hard I tried to not get the dog, I ended up getting it, and it was the worst feeling in the world. It wasn't because I didn't want a dog, it was just because it was the wrong dog. I wanted the large breed poodle, and my friend forced me to get an Old English Sheepdog! And the whole process of how she did everything possible to make it happen was a frame-for-frame mimicry of what I have been doing to find a girlfriend, including all the reasoning involved, and as clear as day, the message was "it'll all end in tears". What a horrible friend, right? No, she's a nice gal in real life, it's just the dream depiction that made her horrible.
So God's message came with other revelation. I am in my early 30s, and while I had taken a participant role in the young adults community here at the Vine for a while, God was prompting me to be more. 1 Cor 13:11 comes to mind, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me." I have reached the end of my 20s, and I have experienced what it was like, and it's time to look after those who are just entering theirs. Which comes very natural to me, so I have no problems with being intentional about it, and with taking care of community, but it does spell out some changes in attitude and perspective within my own life. A call to no longer reason like a child and to make defining choices about life. For example, I have recently decided to choose joy and life, over pain and suffering as the focus of each day. It was very natural to not want to be happy or motivated when you're constantly under pain, but making this choice now releases me to live despite of pain. A while ago this would not have been possible. So some personal growth is happening, and that is good.
I mentioned that God has been teaching me about prayer, and that He had given me a rule on when I can share about what He speaks to me about, and that was only if a person is already telling me about it. At first, it was difficult, because I was always in a hurry to "use the gift" but I was definitely using it the wrong way. Running off to prove myself useful after hearing the first words. The sort of mistake every intern or apprentice makes, right? Well, after a few months now, it's become a good routine where I just slowly listen, and ask God for clarity every now and then, and in all its ways, it's become an actual Dialogue with God. Which is really amazing, especially since God is answering all my questions, but at His pace and His own timing. Generally, He's very generous with the details when He speaks about others, because He wants my participation, He wants to partner with me in prayerful intercession. It's a new stage of spirituality and I'm loving it. Just to be by His side, no need to rush off, and listen, and respond, ask questions, and listen some more. I feel like I'm at the temple and just listening to my rabbi like any other. It's a new, exciting and yet very calm and wonderful experience. I have learnt much more about practicing my spiritual gifting in this way. On top of which, I've been given the opportunity to finally take the Art of Hearing God course, and it's so rich in helpful information that I need to be taking it more than once. Its basically a course on how to use our gifts for good and not end up hurting and alienating our people. It's a 3-day course, I am still processing it, so I may be back with more insights later.
And that's mostly it. I am job hunting at the moment, looking for opportunities in full-time teaching, or full-time learning since I will be learning for the sake of my calling.
Much love, and blessings.
James
I've also had a good lesson on stewardship recently, and it's simply this: Save so that I can bless. The privilege to bless far outshines the privilege to spend on oneself. So, budget, then wait for a chance to bless. There will be plenty.
The dream was so vivid that I woke up crying my eyes out this morning, and it was about buying a dog for charity. One of my closest friends tried everything her power to make me buy this dog, because she's crazy about dogs, and this was for a good cause. And, no matter how hard I tried to not get the dog, I ended up getting it, and it was the worst feeling in the world. It wasn't because I didn't want a dog, it was just because it was the wrong dog. I wanted the large breed poodle, and my friend forced me to get an Old English Sheepdog! And the whole process of how she did everything possible to make it happen was a frame-for-frame mimicry of what I have been doing to find a girlfriend, including all the reasoning involved, and as clear as day, the message was "it'll all end in tears". What a horrible friend, right? No, she's a nice gal in real life, it's just the dream depiction that made her horrible.
So God's message came with other revelation. I am in my early 30s, and while I had taken a participant role in the young adults community here at the Vine for a while, God was prompting me to be more. 1 Cor 13:11 comes to mind, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me." I have reached the end of my 20s, and I have experienced what it was like, and it's time to look after those who are just entering theirs. Which comes very natural to me, so I have no problems with being intentional about it, and with taking care of community, but it does spell out some changes in attitude and perspective within my own life. A call to no longer reason like a child and to make defining choices about life. For example, I have recently decided to choose joy and life, over pain and suffering as the focus of each day. It was very natural to not want to be happy or motivated when you're constantly under pain, but making this choice now releases me to live despite of pain. A while ago this would not have been possible. So some personal growth is happening, and that is good.
I mentioned that God has been teaching me about prayer, and that He had given me a rule on when I can share about what He speaks to me about, and that was only if a person is already telling me about it. At first, it was difficult, because I was always in a hurry to "use the gift" but I was definitely using it the wrong way. Running off to prove myself useful after hearing the first words. The sort of mistake every intern or apprentice makes, right? Well, after a few months now, it's become a good routine where I just slowly listen, and ask God for clarity every now and then, and in all its ways, it's become an actual Dialogue with God. Which is really amazing, especially since God is answering all my questions, but at His pace and His own timing. Generally, He's very generous with the details when He speaks about others, because He wants my participation, He wants to partner with me in prayerful intercession. It's a new stage of spirituality and I'm loving it. Just to be by His side, no need to rush off, and listen, and respond, ask questions, and listen some more. I feel like I'm at the temple and just listening to my rabbi like any other. It's a new, exciting and yet very calm and wonderful experience. I have learnt much more about practicing my spiritual gifting in this way. On top of which, I've been given the opportunity to finally take the Art of Hearing God course, and it's so rich in helpful information that I need to be taking it more than once. Its basically a course on how to use our gifts for good and not end up hurting and alienating our people. It's a 3-day course, I am still processing it, so I may be back with more insights later.
And that's mostly it. I am job hunting at the moment, looking for opportunities in full-time teaching, or full-time learning since I will be learning for the sake of my calling.
Much love, and blessings.
James
I've also had a good lesson on stewardship recently, and it's simply this: Save so that I can bless. The privilege to bless far outshines the privilege to spend on oneself. So, budget, then wait for a chance to bless. There will be plenty.
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