Heart opened and broken.

This last Sunday, we sang Hosanna at worship. The chorus talks about how we can't quite understand God's love, and asks if God can break our hearts with what breaks His. That became my prayer this morning, as I've only started to love these kids, but I still couldn't feel their pain.

God answered my prayers today, and I cried so much this morning. I was having breakfast, just wondering how it would be like to live like them. One of the girls, called San San, can't move much, she is wheeled around on a bed and can only turn her head left and right, and for as long as anyone can remember, she's been in that position everyday. At first, it was pretty funny trying to imagine what everyone else would look like when you're lying down at table height all the time, but then, God diverted my thoughts to what heaven would be like for them.

I realised that in heaven, they'd be made more whole than anyone else on earth. It's easy to say that we have our disabilities too, just that theirs were easier to see, but we get to live our life and to move with so much freedom, even if they didn't know another life, they still know theirs is really limited. One of the boys can't move at all, and sometimes he gets very emotional, and it's heart breaking just hearing him cry. So that's what I felt, when I realised what salvation would mean to them. How once more they'll be made complete by God's grace, and how the loudest, most joyous praises would come from them.

I'm really thankful that God has shown me this. It feels so good and so right to finally feel the pain behind the cries, rather than just hear the noise in front of the pains. I've learnt to really cherish the sound of their laughter. They don't always laugh because theirs is a hard life to live, but when it iss you that has found a way to make them laugh, not only is it the sweetest and most joyous sound that one's ever heard, but also, you realise how much joy you can bring them just by trying. I walked in the garden when Siu Ping today, she doesn't usually make any sounds. She liked singing, so I sang, hoping that she likes it as much as I do. But it wasn't until I got to Jesus Loves Me, did she start making laughing sounds. I'll remember that sound and that moment forever. I didn't know she could make sounds, and for me, that first laugh was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

Dear friends, please continue to pray for me, as I continue to work here. Pray that God will provide me with enough rest and energy for each day's work, and pray that I can love them more and more, and that this love will change lives.