The last few weeks

My dear friends,

The last few weeks had been a slow move from exciting summer time to not so exciting routine work time, as the volunteers fade away, and the more animated kids start schooling, work has become more routine and the pace of work has become much slower. There had been a lot of "moving" this month, moving from holiday mode to work mode, moving from our flat at home because of renovations, and moving to a new equilibrium on the social, personal and spiritual fronts.

Now that things are settling in at home and at "Home" and all the other young and single volunteers are gone, I've found more time to read books, and to do walks around the neighborhood as I've become more rested with good discipline on my personal health. I've decided to take a break from Philip Yancey and re-read Angels & Demons by Dan Brown. It's a nice brain thriller, and it's good for relaxing. During my neighborhood walks last week, I found some nice flowers, a nice neighborhood, a nifty but well-furnished corner store, an village temple, and a banana farm. The banana farm had a very vicious guard dog that gave me a bit of a scare, but I figured if my intentions are true, and if my God is protecting me, I won't get hurt. And I didn't. But it'll be a while before I venture around that area again. There are lots of dogs in the inner villages up the road, and a lot of interesting faces. It'll be nice to walk around more, and get to know the people.

A realization I had on the spiritual front today was that I can't keep telling myself that I'm here to serve God, because that doesn't get me anywhere. In fact, it mostly blocks the most important thing out of my spiritual life, the fact that I've been seeking to serve Him so much, often I forget that everything starts with simply seeking Him. Service is by no means more important than relationship, and what God wants most from us is to develop this personal relationship that He has given us through redemption in Jesus Christ, that's the whole point of His death on the cross! Seeking to serve Him isn't the point at all, seeking to know Him is the way of life, the way that I'm supposed to think and live. A collection of things awoke me to this fact. One of them was a story I heard in discipleship yesterday.

Jesus walked with a man along a path, and the man constantly asks questions, but Jesus stayed silent and didn't answer any of them. At the end of the walk, all of the man's questions were answered, not because Jesus told him, but because Jesus was with him and that experience was sufficient.

Sometimes we get so focused on questioning our way through spirituality, when we try to find meaning in all the little things that do or do not happen, when all we really need to do is wait till the whole experience passes, and just experience it and learn from it. We're constantly so impatient on God's lessons, it's a blessing that His patience is enough for all our "impatiences".

Another awakening I received this week is the fact that I've been practising favouritism, mostly because I am totally in love with Tung Tung, and would actually want to adopt her if God says it's His will that I do. But right now, I don't think that's how it's going to work, and she does have a lovely home here already, and God does have a plan for her. But this love is making me rethink the relationship I share with the other children, do I love them the same? Should I love them the same? I thought about what Tung Tung would say to me when we find each other in heaven, will she tell me she loves me and thanks for loving her so much? Would she dance for joy? Would she sing me a song of all the words that were in her heart but couldn't come out? Then I realised, whatever Tung Tung had to say, it won't be the most touching experience in heaven from the children here, it won't even be close. The most touching ones would be the ones where the children here would come to me and forgive me for all my trespasses when I've been impatient with them. All the times that I've been careless, and all the times that I simply forgot to care, forgot to love. It would be them that would make me fall to my knees for the longest, when they say they still love me and thank me for what little that I've done for them. After thinking of this, I think God defrost my heart once more, and allowed me to see the children with love again, and gave me a deeper concern for their emotional well-being.

And with these two awakenings, my prayer life seem to be finally back on track with praying not just for energy and health to care for the children, but for the children themselves, not just for the happenings of the day or the week, but for every little thing. For good rest at night, for sweet dreams, for waking up to joy and love, for healing, for forgiveness, for chances to love them more, and for more joyful times together. And also to thank God for them.

It's good that God's given me these realizations to strengthen me, as I don't have a lot of Sundays off, and it's good that He's got my back when I need more spiritual input. Though the good news is that the local missionary has started hosting a service here every Sunday, and it's quite good, but I haven't been able to participate in the worship, partly because the songs are in Chinese, and partly because I focus a lot on the children. This past Sunday, I've been trying to let go and trust God with them, and got to listen to a very good sermon about Peter.

So that's about it for this update. Thanks again for your time. My prayer requests are: i) thanksgiving for a smooth move for my family into their temporary flat, and thanksgiving for being able to spend some good quality time with my mom last week, ii) more prayers for consistent rest and balanced diet, iii) prayers for a steady spiritual journey towards God and seeking to know Him through loving as well as seeking Him through books, iv) more patience and more chances to love the children, v) continual prayers about Africa and for God to tell me how to approach serving Him there, and vi) pray for my preparations for my baptism, as I intend to get baptised during Christmas.

Thanks a bunch!! God bless!

Yours in Christ,

James