Season of healing

I have been attending Cleansing Stream the last 2 months, it's an inner healing ministry started by Pastor Chris Hayward. His calling is to have healthy inner healing churches in every church in the world, and twice a year for the last 10, there's been an inner healing course at my church. As a result, this season God called me to join, and I was healed of all my self-rejection. Complete restoration. Here's my testimony that I wrote to Hub and Spokes, the ministry hosting the event.

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Hi Eufemia and team =)

My name is James. I am born with Klinefelter's Syndrome, a form of higher function Autism, and have struggled with it since I was young. Physically, I have less muscle mass than normal guys, emotionally I am different due to hormonal deficit, and socially, I trip all the time because I can't sense a lot of situations. However, since I don't carry the signature Autism look, people often expect me to be normal and when things get out of hand, as they always do, I end up having to explain all over again how I am, in fact, not normal. I struggle with this on a personal level too, often times than not, I curse myself and strap myself down to be not normal and don't expect great things out of me, despite knowing God's love, knowing that I'm God's favourite, and knowing that God has great plans for me. Subconsciously and consciously, I "knew" I will never be enough. There are great people, and I'm not that. I will always be 70% normal. And words to that effect.

I came to CSM knowing that God wants me here for this season, and that God wants to help me deal with this self-rejection. I didn't know how He will do it, nor did I expect Him to completely get rid of it. For someone who relies so much on God just to be alive and just to be able to do things, I was riddled with unbelief. Anointed with so much spiritual gifting, and yet not believing in His Words for me. I regularly receive discernment, words of knowledge, visions and dreams. I mistook these as God's compensation for my disability, but now I know it's nothing like that. 

The first night of the retreat, God gave me a vision. Very artistic, very awesome. First time ever dreaming in Japanese calligraphy art. I focused on giving the issue of self-rejection, of cursing my own growth and ability, to God. And He gave me a vision of 3 images. A tsunami, a glacier, and the Sun. The tsunami stands for all the blessings that He's going to give me. The glacier is a glacier because my God is an artist and glaciers are beautiful, but what's more is that, He said He will lift me up above others, and finally, He will draw me close to Him, the Sun represents His heart. As people continued to pray, I pull out my colour pencils obediently, as God had given me something that could be drawn. I didn't know how, but I have long known that God will guide my hand. I put pencil to paper, and soon after, I had the exact image I received in my head. It was powerful, and it rebuked and rejected everything that was in my curse, instead of being 70%, He will lift me higher than others, instead of cursed, He will flood me with blessings, and instead of not reaching spiritual heights, He will draw me closest to Him. It was encouraging, but I have seen visions before, and it still felt like nothing much will happen during retreat. The first night wasn't very eventful, and I was going to be tired the next day. I did not expect breakthrough.

The next day went quietly, I slept and dosed off as I had expected, and tried my best to retain what I listened to, and was not completely sure about it all, but felt a prompting to go up and share, and to encourage those that had served to help us throughout the retreat at the end. I had a picture after all. Somehow, it didn't turn out that way. Half way through sharing, God reminded me. He always keeps His promises. So I repeated what He said. He made me these promises, and He always keep His promises. And thus, the wonderful testimony and reminder that people seem to have given me glory for, but I was too excited to care about that, because my own breakthrough and revelation had only happened 2 seconds before everyone else's. 

Thank you so much, Hub & Spokes! Eufemia spoke about raising a generation of harvesters, and God had been speaking to me about harvesting this entire year, coaching, prepping, healing, encouraging, growing. This is the highlight so far, but I expect God to be carrying me up a glacier, and we are only one tenth of the way. Keep in touch, I will definitely be expecting really really awesome things in the future. I am available to make a video of my testimony or any other form that you'd like. Feel free to use this in any way. I will be interested in becoming an intercessor or anointer in the future. Please let me know how to apply for those.

Blessings,

James

PS. Here's the sketch. =)